An Open Letter to Peapod
It has recently come to my attention that you do not carry Dungeons and Dragons-themed Jones soda.
What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Seriously, the cross-section of anti-HFCS hippies/supertasters/wannabe supertasters and RPGers/MMORPGers/LARPers/half-elf rangers constitutes an enormous part of the soda-drinking demographic.
Please remedy this situation or else expect a nasty letter from yours truly.